When my whole-grain-obsessed alter ego orders my breakfast sandwich

The act of not fully exploring the entire menu stems from my dieting past.

At some point, probably while studying nutrition in college, I began choosing whole grains automatically.

Brown rice at Chipotle, Barilla whole grain pasta, Arnold 100% whole wheat sandwich bread and hamburger buns, Mission whole wheat tortillas, Kashi seven grain waffles, Mary’s Gone Crackers, SuperPretzel multigrain hot pretzels (yes, really)…

During that time, I didn’t consider evaluating whether those products tasted good to me; I chose them because they were the “healthy” choice.

When I began studying the principles of intuitive eating, I started to focus more on satisfaction and loosen the restrictions I had placed on myself regarding whole grains.

Rather than choosing foods solely for their nutritional value, I began thinking more seriously about my enjoyment of the foods I was eating. When eating a whole grain product, I asked myself questions like: “Does this taste good to me?” and “Is there a refined grain version of this that I would like to give myself permission to incorporate again?”

Take sandwich bread, for example. I discovered that I enjoy both whole grain and refined grain versions. Good Seed by Dave's Killer Bread has satisfying flavor and textures, not to mention the added fiber and nutrients it provides. However, there are times when I opt for Wegmans white sourdough sandwich bread because I appreciate its fluffy white interior and uniformity. Both options satisfy me, and it feels liberating to be able to switch things up based on what sounds appealing to me or my children in any given week.

But don’t be deceived, there are times when my whole-grain-obsessed alter ego takes over and reminds me that I’m still working through all of this.

My nail color here is called “the crispy ends of Taylor Ham”.

This realization hit me last weekend when I tried a new bagel shop in my hometown.

I was eating Taylor ham¹, egg, and cheese² on a whole wheat everything bagel, and thinking to myself “I don’t know, this bagel is just alright³, probably not the best in town” when suddenly I realized: I ordered a whole wheat everything bagel.

Of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with whole wheat everything bagels.

However, there was a time when whole wheat bagels seemed like the only option for me.

This weekend, I found myself entering the bagel shop and automatically ordering a whole wheat bagel without pausing to consider which flavor would truly be the most enjoyable for me.

I didn't bother looking at the other bagel varieties in the bagel case; I simply placed the order out of habit.

Had I invested more time in reviewing the available options, I would have undoubtedly chosen the egg everything bagel; it holds the highest position on my personal list of preferred bagels.⁴

As I reflect on this bagel incident, it’s not really what bagel I ordered that was the problem, it’s how I ordered it.

I didn’t even spare ten seconds to scan the bagel case and ask myself what bagel appealed to me. This approach doesn’t align with the way I strive to make food-related decisions at this stage in my life.

The act of not fully exploring the entire menu stems from my dieting past. It's easier to stick with what I know is “healthy” instead of being “tempted” by all the options.

While I have made significant progress in silencing the diet-culture voices in my head, moments like these serve as reminders of how far I have come and the importance of continually challenging and exploring my choices.

Ultimately, I have learned that the best way to navigate my food choices is by considering both nutritional value and personal enjoyment. It's about finding a balance that allows me to savor my meals while nourishing my body.

Every day my food choices look a little different, which is exactly the point.

Dieting makes our options so limited that it’s like we are walking around with blinders on to the variety of food around us. To be able to walk into a bagel store and order any bagel you’d like is a form of freedom.

And if you want to know how I really feel after taking time to explore all of my options: the best vehicle for Taylor ham, egg, and cheese is actually a Kaiser roll, not a bagel.

1. If you leave a comment to inform me it’s actually called “pork roll” I will unsubscribe you from this newsletter (just kidding! lol). But while I have your attention…“Taylor ham” sounds better than “pork roll”, just like we call it “American cheese” instead of “American pasteurized prepared cheese product”. That’s all.

2. I should also mention that I never would have been able to comfortably eat Taylor ham a few years ago, so although my bagel choice was reflective of some old dieting habits, my Taylor ham, egg, and cheese decision is one that I’m happy to be finally comfortable with.

3. Also, can you really judge a bagel shop solely on its whole wheat bagel? I’ve had great whole wheat bagels, so I think a decent bagel shop should be able to make them, but I feel like it’s not the right starting point to review a new place.

4. This list doesn’t exist.